There was this woman at work today- the usual type of lunch customer: fat, bitter, unhappy, and trying to drown her sorrows in pasta. Or, in this case, a meatball sub. So, I was waiting on her and off the bat I could tell that this woman was just a miserable person. She asked me if she could substitute a bowl of soup for a cup of soup in one of the specials that we have. I politely informed her that it would be possible, however, there would be a small fee. Her reaction to this was complete outrage. How inconceivable that a larger portion of food would require a larger portion of dollars in exchange! And I, the waiter, DO make the prices, so it was only natural for her to express her outrage to me in the rudest fashion possible. She turned from me to her friend and said "What? That's ridiculous. That is just stupid. No. No way, that is so stupid." Her friend then looked up at me a bit apologetic and said "maybe she misunderstood the question..." but the dominant friend (not only in personality, but also in size) then said "no, never mind, I don't want to do it anyway."
Well that settles that then.
The Soup Situation now behind us, the two women order their entrees. I get as far away from that table as fast as I can and enter their order into the micro. Thank God I have some time away from them. I could tell that my tip had already been decided by this woman, and it was not going to be a good one. I decide that the best way to handle these overfed women is to just be as nice as possible. And that's exactly what I do. I refill their drinks, I box up their food, I answer their questions - everything. But that is nowhere near good enough for them. I had already offended them beyond belief by telling them that in exchange for food they would have to give money. Really, I should be more understanding. This is all a very new policy for all restaurants and some people may not be fully accustomed to it yet.
So the end of the meal comes after several less than favorable interactions with the women. Every time I am near them they go out of their way to make sure I know how incompetent and bad at my job I am. I finally bring the women their checks along with their deserts- a lemon cake. I have four tables at this point (a full section in the restaurant I work in) and get a bit busy. Because of this, the women's checks sit on the table for a brief period of time. I do this thing when I get busy of making a list in my head of all the things I need to do and in what order (i.e. greet, drinks, bread, order, input into the computer, refills, etc.) and believe me, picking up their checks was on my list. The women weren't even done with their desert yet when I come back to pick up the checks. I am standing right behind them with my arm outstretched to pick them up when the larger one takes the opportunity to grab my manager who is walking by and hand him the checks instead of letting me pick them up. She then informs him that they have been waiting five whole minutes for me to come pick them up and give them change. Give me a break lady. First of all, it probably wasn't five minutes at all and they weren't even done with their deserts. Second of all- that's not my only table, sorry about it but that's just how a restaurant operates. Third of all- I could give two fucks about them at this point in the meal after the way they have treated me when I, as a favor to them, have done everything in my power not to punch them both in their faces.
Luckily, restaurant managers will usually understand when a guest is being a bit ridiculous and my manager knows I'm not a negligent waiter so as soon as we are out of ear shot he says "You can go ahead and tell her that we're all really sorry that we don't carry Whoppers here at this establishment. Perhaps she may feel more comfortable down the street at a McDonalds." Sometimes managers could actually be cool, too.
I return the change to the tables wanting to also slap them both across the face for being such insufferable cunts. I am glad to finally get them out of the restaurant. It will take a while, however, to get them out of my mind. For a waiter, it's not only an inconvenience to deal with these types of people but it also hurts when someone treats me that way. I think that some people have a problem wrapping their heads around the facts that their waiters are also people too and should be treated as such.
Moral of the story: Don't be a cunt to your waiter.
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